The Power of Following Children’s Lead

After a long day apart (or even together!), it may be challenging to “jump in” to spending uninterrupted quality time with your little one. It can help to first take a minute to acknowledge the stress of the day or the moment, recognize that you need a moment to reset, and choose a small gesture of self-care, such as taking a few deep breaths or pouring a glass of water or a mug of tea.  

Even when life and parenting pressures feel overwhelming, the good news is that children are constantly offering us the opportunity to “follow their lead” — and that often means playing! Notice what children are doing, and join them “where they are,” adding your own encouragement and teaching as you go. Joining children in their play offers so many opportunities to encourage, communicate, bond, spark and share joy, teach, show warmth and kindness, and help them thrive.  

When you follow children’s lead, they feel seen and heard. You’re showing them that they’re loved, and they matter! 

Start by noticing what your child is already doing. For instance, if they’re playing with a ball: 

• ask if they’ll roll or throw it to you, then you can roll or throw it back 

• stay focused on your back-and-forth interaction  

• comment on what’s happening (“that was a fast roll!” or “now you roll the ball, now I roll the ball”) 

• praise their efforts (“you’re getting strong!”) 

• ask questions to extend the experience (“should we see if this ball bounces?”) 

• invite them to join you in counting each roll or throw 

• tell them how much you love playing with them 

When your child moves on to something else, let them be the leader! (For instance, if they move on from the ball to blocks, simply join in on the block play.)  

You can follow babies’ lead by following their gaze and beginning to interact with them about what they are looking at (“Oh, you see the birds in the bush? Let’s move your stroller closer to get a better look. Let’s sing along with them!”).