Proud of Your Eyes

Young children are naturally curious; they notice and are likely to comment on physical differences. But sometimes comments can be deeply hurtful — whether they are intended that way or not. It’s important to address these moments with children to help them feel pride in themselves while learning to respect and appreciate people’s differences and understand all the things they have in common, too. 

Watch this video yourself first to decide whether to share it with children; it may be upsetting to them if they personally relate to the situation. In it, a girl named Analyn, whose family is from the Philippines, is having big feelings after being teased about the shape of her eyes. Her new friends Wes and Alan are there to support her. Led by Alan, they sing a song about how their eyes are beautiful and how they tell the story of their families. 

For adopted children who are of a different race than their family, this moment provides an opportunity to expand the concept of family history and discuss how their ancestry is now part of the new family history. The way we look “tells the story of your family, it tells where you came from and how we came to be,” — but it’s not the only important part of anyone’s story! 

Together with children, watch the video and explore how to appreciate our uniqueness. This video can also help all children build empathy and understand differences as well as our similarities. 

Before viewing this video, ask children about times in their lives they felt different from others, or when they were made to feel different. Explore how those experiences made them feel. 

During the video, pause when children have questions or to help them identify Analyn’s feelings. When Alan says that the other child was wrong, you might explain that the other child may have been using hurtful words because he did not understand differences yet. 

After watching, talk about how we’re all different and how we can take pride in those differences.  

You might also look at each other’s eyes and describe their color, shape, and size. How would children describe their own eyes? How are they the same as each other’s, and how are they different? Tell them that their eyes are beautiful and important — they let them see the world and express emotions. 

Remind children that singing songs is a great way to take care of yourself when you have big feelings. You can do it when you’re alone or when you’re with others. Talk about other ways to handle big feelings, like drawing, dancing, having quiet time…or getting a big hug. You can also talk about ways to use social problem-solving skills, such as talking to trusted adults (like Analyn did)! All of these coping strategies help children build resilience.